Oct 20, 2017
TRANSCRIPT
This is Episode 011 of Glioblast‑O‑Cast. How do I deal with disappearing friends and family?
Hello. Welcome to Glioblast‑O‑Cast, the podcast about my life beyond glioblastoma. I'm your host, Meg Turecek.
In this episode I'll answer the question, how do I deal with disappearing friends and family. In my show notes I have some links to support organizations.
At first when sharing the news of my glioblastoma situation, I had an outpouring of support and well wishes from friends, family, and other people in my extended social circle. Some of them still check up on me, but others have disappeared from regular contact.
So how do I deal with the loss of relationships, the loss of contact with those I care about? I tell myself that everyone has their own battles. Just because they are not sharing their challenges with me doesn't mean they don't exist. And my situation with glioblastoma is no more important than anyone else's life challenges.
I think some people pull away because they feel it's a competition, and their issues don't compare to glioblastoma. But everyone has challenges, and it's not a competition. Though with the scary survival rate of glioblastoma, it is a bit more time sensitive than some other situations.
Yes, it does hurt when people I thought I could rely on just weren't taking an interest. They weren't contacting me. They weren't there. Some have said they figured I had so much to worry about with my diagnosis that they didn't want to bother me. What they end up doing is pulling away completely because they think I have enough to worry about. But this reaction can be hurtful as it essentially negates or cancels the whole history of the friendship, and that's sad.
I try to understand and accept their fear of the situation. I cannot change how they react to my status, but I can empathize with theirs. And I can work to move on from the grieving of a broken connection.
For me it's been important to get to the acceptance that everyone has troubles. And if I want to keep them in my life, I have to make the effort, too, extend the olive branch with no expectation. I can let them know how I feel and that our time together, whether it's on the phone or an actual visit, wouldn't be centered around my diagnosis. It should be enjoying the time and moments and activities of our friendship.
Glioblastoma is only one aspect of my daily life. It's not everything. And once I've made my offer of friendship, I have to leave it up to them to accept and stay in my life. If they choose to maintain a distance, there are always new friends to be made at any age.
Social media, when used to connect with others battling the same awful glioblastoma, or even for partaking in a favorite hobby of past time, the social media has been a sanctuary for me.
While I do have wonderful support in real life on a daily basis, there's a certain comfort in connecting with new friends on the same glioblastoma journey. Or me connecting with other writers and not even bringing up my health status. I can only control my own actions. If I want to talk to an old friend, then I have to make the effort. I can't wait and hope that they do.
I know the disappearing people is not an easy thing to accept or to understand, but the opposite will happen. New people come into our lives all the time, when we start a new job or a new school or a new gym membership. Sometimes we make connections with people that only last a train ride or while we're in line at the grocery store. The trick is to be grateful and appreciative that those friendships even happened. It's okay to be sad when they disappear, but try to be thankful for what they were and look forward to new friends. Always look forward.
When you've had people pull away from you, it may be helpful to turn to different support organizations that deal with these feelings of grief relating to the diagnosis. So, in my show notes, I've got some links to some good organizations that can help deal with the feelings related to the diagnosis and also the feelings of disappearing friends.
Thank you for listening. This is Glioblast‑O‑Cast Episode 11.
Theme music for Episode 011: “Rock on Chicago” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License, http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
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A short list of some support organizations:
Brain Tumour Alliance Australia: The only national Australian
organization for the brain tumour patient, family and
caregiver.
a good list of groups
www.btaa.org.au/page/26/support-organisations
Cancer Support Community: So that No One Faces Cancer Alone
www.cancersupportcommunity.org
Chris Elliott Fund End Brain Cancer: Fueling Research & Clinical
Enrollment
https://endbraincancer.org/we-can-help/
Imerman Angels: Your One-on-One Cancer Support Community
https://imermanangels.org
Greg's Mission: Providing one-on-one brain tumor support
http://gregsmission.org