Jan 8, 2018
TRANSCRIPT
This is Episode 021 of Glioblast‑O‑Cast. How do I respond to insensitive comments and questions about my brain tumor
Hello, and welcome to Glioblast‑O‑Cast, the podcast about my life beyond glioblastoma. I'm your host, Meg Turecek.
In this episode I will answer the question How do I respond to insensitive comments and questions about my brain tumor?
I’ve talked before about disappearing friends and family—people you expect to be close and supportive but vanish from contact, seemingly afraid the glioblastoma diagnosis might be contagious. Check Episode 11 for more on that.
But how do I deal with people who make insensitive comments? The kinds of things that come from, well, ignorance.
Glioblastoma is not so widely understood by the general public. So when people see me walking around town, going grocery shopping, it’s a bit of a disconnect. They see me as a normally functioning person but they know I had a brain tumor and it’s not what they expect.
Some days are good, but the next day can find me parked on the sofa, napping all day.
But this journey is confusing to other who don’t know all the specifics. And there’s a lot of curiosity. Humans are just naturally curious.
So some people will ask questions or make comments that may seem rude. Or you may be asked the same basic questions or field repetitive comments over and over.
That’s why it’s a good idea to have some prepared answers and updates. A few sentences that can get past the enquiring minds and move on with your day.
Here’s some ideas for responses.
They say: You don’t look sick.
If you’re feeling snarky, a recent response I’ve seen for that is: You don’t look stupid.
Which will certainly get a reaction. But I lean more towards kindness and humor. I might respond: Thanks for noticing! Some days I think they may have cut out my fashion sense with the tumor.
Personally, I like to give people the benefit of the doubt. But I also like to be blunt and truthful and funny. Because this is a serious subject but I don’t need a pity party or to hand out tissues when I explain my status.
Another tired comment: It could be worse.
While that one is true, it’s not helpful and just begs for an insult like: Yes. It could be worse. Instead of this stylish new close-cropped haircut I could have your comb-over.
Of course that only applies if they have a comb-over, but you get the idea.
Instead, I might reply: Yes. It could be worse, but it’s still a brain tumor and I’m doing my best.
And these: Did they get it all? Are you cured?
I don’t have anything snappy for that. It begs for clarification and a little education. So I might reply: My neurosurgeon did his best and got all that was visible. But this kind of tumor is basically star shaped. It has fingers and they can’t see every microscopic cell. So it is likely to regrow. And there’s currently no cure. It’s terminal.
Essentially what I’m saying is it can help you to have some prepared answers that are short and specific as needed.
Remember, general people ask because they care. They may not be abel to choose the right words for you, but you can take your own personality and answer accordingly.
Thanks for listening. This has been Glioblast-O-Cast Episode 21.
Theme music for Episode 020: “Jazzy Frenchy” Bensound.com